the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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