Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
