I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
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