she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
