don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize