how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
