You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize