i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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