what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
