11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
