Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
