i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
