But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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