I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
