You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
