That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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