He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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