We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
