What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
