So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
