kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
