no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize