They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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