Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
