btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
not ubering you a puppy
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
