You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Two words: blizzard sex
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
