You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
