Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
