We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
