Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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