Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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