She is in my trunk
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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