we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
