Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
