just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
