Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize