Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
