I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
