just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
