As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Randomize
