so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize