Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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