Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize