My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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