Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
