Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
