He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
