I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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