i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize