You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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