Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
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