you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
