so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the condom got lost in my hair
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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