She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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