You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
