how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
wanna go halves on a baby?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
