she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
