I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
