Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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