I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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