I wish I only lived at night.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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