she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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