Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
