Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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