so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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