just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
