closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
