Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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