Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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