Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
