No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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