It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
