I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
