Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I AM VODKA MAN
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
