This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
