and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
