god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
