Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
