it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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