I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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