Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
